What do you get when you accidentally watch the 1999 version of Beowulf, starring Christopher Lambert, instead of the more recent Robert Zemeckis production? Well, grab several dozen cinematic clichés from recent successes like Lord of the Rings and classics like Conan the Barbarian, mix in the spirit of a young Rutger Hauer, season with a horribly violated adaptation of a classic work of fiction, and serve up to bored teenagers too young to know any better and sure to be mesmerized by the shiny CGI. Ooh, sparkly, sparkly…

Rather buy the more recent version from Amazon.