The fine art of doublespeak is alive and well, and skilfully practised by Spanish EU Commissioner Joaquin Almunia. Redefining the idea of democracy and the rights of EU citizens to make their own decisions, the Commissioner formulated this gem:
I think matters which are as complex as a constitution or similar must be discussed in the systems available to democracy, or rather, in parliaments.
To paraphrase: plain old democracy is fine and well, but to get the full benefit of real democracy you need to let others decide for you.
The Commissioner added:
It doesn’t seem to me that this procedure is the best example of democracy because referendums, in order for them to genuinely be something which citizens feel comfortable with and not pressured, they must be presented with very clear and simple questions.
In other words, European Union citizens can only be relied upon to make decisions when these are:
- something a child could understand; and
- of no consequence.
Why, oh why, do we keep on electing these people, and why do we allow them to treat us like idiots?
The crazy certainly runs deep in America’s home-grown religions. Not only the classics like Scientology and Heaven’s Gate, but also Nation of Islam:
[Nation of Islam minister] Elijah Muhammad taught his followers about a Mother Plane or Wheel, a UFO that was seen and described in the visions of the prophet Ezekiel in the Book of Ezekiel, in the Hebrew Bible.
The crazy is passed down from generation to generation, from Elijah Muhammed to
Louis Farrakhan:
The Honorable Elijah Muhammad told us of a giant Mother Plane that is made like the universe, spheres within spheres. White people call them unidentified flying objects (UFOs). Ezekiel, in the Old Testament, saw a wheel that looked like a cloud by day but a pillar of fire by night. The Honorable Elijah Muhammad said that that wheel was built on the island of Nippon, which is now called Japan, by some of the Original scientists. [...] The Honorable Elijah Muhammad said these planes were used to set up mountains on the earth. [...] How do you raise a mountain, and what is the purpose of a mountain? Have you ever tried to balance a tire? You use weights to keep the tire balanced. That’s how the earth is balanced, with mountain ranges.
Legend has it that Elijah Muhammed did in fact not die, but escaped a deadly plot and now resides aboard this very Mother Plane. Good times.
